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Fast Food

First of all, there’s nothing fast about fast food. Let’s just get that misconception cleared up. What’s fast about going into a “restaurant” only to see some useless cluck with his/her head resting on the cash register with eyes shut? Yeah, I’ve seen it. Not a pretty sight. Yet the fast food restaurateurs hire these useless buffoons to “serve” us. Right.

I went to the drive-thru the other day to pick up a quick breakfast. First mistake. What I failed to remember is that there is no such thing as a “fast food” restaurant. I ordered two items: an egg muffin (sic) and a hash brown. That’s it. Nothing more. No value meal. No drink. Just two items. Yet after paying for the meal at the first window, I drive up to the next window to pick up my order. Well, that was my second mistake in judgment (the first, of course, was going there to begin with). When I arrive, the “useless buffoon” says my cheeseburger isn’t ready, to which I replied “I didn’t order a cheeseburger. She laughs, obviously a little flustered and a lot confused. Next, she grabs a bag and says she was waiting on my hash brown and hands me the bag. Then she asks what kind of drink I wanted. I wanted none, for I did not order one. Had I ordered and paid for one, I would have expected one. Alas, I did not. I informed her as such. She hands me the bag and I go about my business, heading to the office. When I get there, I was pleased to see that only the egg muffin (sic) was in the bag. How was that possible? Two items: three mistakes.

1. I did not order a cheeseburger, but she asked about one.
2. I did not order a drink, but she asked about one.
3. I did order a hash brown, but didn’t receive one.

If I had ordered one item, would they have given me an empty bag? That’s a legitimate question. I ordered only two items, yet they still managed to short me one of them. All the while, she was mentioning how she was waiting on the hash brown. She even acknowledged the very item that she was shorting me. Utterly incomprehensible. Yes Virginia, there are people just that stupid, and they work at McCluck’s!

I would love to know just how much money McCluck’s and the assorted others are making off the weary consumer with their consistent shorting of items paid for. For mistakes are never—NEVER—made in the consumer’s favor. It must be a sizeable fortune, otherwise they would have rectified the problem years ago…you know, when service was still considered important to the then fast food restaurateur.

Let’s talk about “service.” On another visit to McCluck’s, one of the counter “help” (and I use that term with ironic dismissal) positioned herself ready to serve behind the register. This eager beaver was in the ready position characterized by having her eyes closed with her empty head lying atop and her arm draped over the cash register. She looked like a drunk who had just been rolled. Throughout the entire ordering process, she never once raised her head.

Where are the pink slips? Where is the manager who sees this buffoonery and tells her “it’s time to go home—permanently?” Perhaps this new customer service procedure has been added to the Shamburger University curriculum.