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Perverting Pernicious Pronouns

Check this story:

Trans Teacher Wins $60,000 Settlement Because Co-Workers Wouldn’t Call Her “THEY”

“They” is the nominative PLURAL pronoun of he, she and it.

That said, however, “they” is commonly and correctly used in place of the definite masculine “he” or the definite feminine “she” ONLY when preceded by an indefinite SINGULAR antecedent, such as “whoever.”

For example:

“Whoever the histrionic thespian may be who is taking feigned offense over correctly appropriated pronouns, they need to reassess their teaching skills and learn correct grammatical applications.”

or perhaps…

“Whoever decided to give this charlatan $60,000 for no discernable reason, they need to contact me so I can tell them to whom they should write my check.”

A grammatically-correct solution:

Rather than adulterate the already-difficult-to-formulate-properly English language, maybe we should consider a solution that’s already at our disposal. A more appropriate pronoun grouping choice would be to resurrect “thee,” “thou,” “thy” and “thine.”

“Thou would not have to resort to litigation if thou would adopt an archaic form of Middle English prose to represent thine definitely indefinite nature for when others refer to thee.”

And they all lived happily ever after.

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